I tend to be a bitch. I hate ignorance. I don't care if you hate me because I probably don't think too highly of you either. I speak my mind. I like to get my opinions out, even if it hurts others.

I tend to usually be a very happy person. I'm very girly as well. You hardly ever see me out and about without makeup, unless I'm going to class. I like looking nice and dressing up. I like wearing heels. I like doing my hair. I like painting my nails. I like going tanning. I love to laugh and I love to smile.

When I get depressed I like to be by myself. I usually crank up the depressing music, don't talk to anyone, and just lay in bed with my thoughts. I've cut myself once. I was pissed the second after I did it because 1) It was the stupidest thing I've ever done and 2) I was still hurting mentally and then physically. Now I have the scar on my wrist to remind me of my own stupidity... and I hate it. Sometimes I drink as well. Not that it helps much, but it helps me forget it. Until it comes back when I'm sober.

I hate my body. I don't think I'm where I should be. My stomach has too much fat, my boobs are too big, and I have no butt. I hate when guys talk to my boobs. I hate when they talk ABOUT my boobs and I'm right in front of them. Makes me seem so small. Like big boobs are all I am. And I'm not.

I'm not a christian. I don't believe in God or Jesus or any of that. I don't know why, either. I was never brought up to go to church, never learned any of that as I was growing up. I went to little bible camps as a kid, but never understood it. I've been to church with my friend a lot, but the whole time I was listening to the pastor talk I was thinking "...What the fuck is he talking about?!?! That's retarded." And it sucks because I don't know what people will think of me if I tell them that. My roommate is a hardcore christian, and I love her to death. She's practically my best friend. I can't tell her I'm not a christian.... I don't know what it will do to our relationship. I'm scared...

I hate how shy I am sometimes. It sometimes always seems to be my one big flaw. I could have been great at something had I just talked.

I hate being underestimated.
I hate cheaters.
I hate liars.

All I really want in life is to be happy. To have someone to hold onto and to have someone hold me. When I think I've found that person something doesn't go right and I'm right back where I started. I think I'm ready to settle down, but whenever shit like this happens I just go fuck myself over even more. There are a lot of guys who want to be with me, but I ditch them all just to be with the one that I like and I end up hurting.

This is a fucking depressing ass entry and I'm done.

  • Current Music
    Smile - Michael Jackson

(no subject)

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks
lick on these nuts and suck the dick
get the fuck out after you're done
and I hops in my ride to make a quick run.

^^^ My favey song.... how I love Dr. Dre. and Ben Folds covers!!!!

That's some real conversation for your ass....

AH CHOO!! I JUST SNEEZED!! Spit and snot went everywhere... grossss

(no subject)

i tried to be prefect but nothing was worth it i dont believe it makes me real i thought it be easy but noone believes me im not all the things i said if u believe its in my soul id say all the words that i know just to see if it would show that im tryin to let u know that im better off on my own. Of course it never seems like you're going to meet the right person. But that's what everyone thinks. Keep on trucking and you'll cross paths with your dream person soon.;-)

(no subject)

You know what I love to do???

Lay in my bed and listen to sappy songs...

no really... it's not all that bad actually...

very relaxing... as in I might just fall asleep right now. But I can't... gotta wait up for someone grrr!


You know what else I love??

Getting bitched out by some fucking 14 year old on xanga haha. First off she started bitchin at Dylan and being really gay so I looked her up... and I was like "Should you even be talking like that? Your 14?? Wow you're fucking retarded" Then her and her little friend left me a message like "Okay listen up you stupid bitch, we'll say whatever the hell we want! That guy was badmouthing our school blah blah blah we hate our lives becuase we are dumb at 14 and ugly as fuck and have nasty teeth! So just shut the fuck up and leave us alone! You damn whore" and then of course.. I HADD to retaliate... so I told her that she was pretty much the size of my thigh so she shouldn't fuckin talk shit... and I then thanked her for calling me a whore... how sweet!!!! Anyways...


I <3 my sex machine and mr. colin seymour becuase i Hung out with them today and they rocked my socks off my feet! YAY!

(no subject)

I know a girl who grew up everywhere
she had many friends in the places she's lived
But one by one she lost touch with them all
Now she is alone...

I know a girl who found the love of her life
She was so perfectly happy with him by her side
But he loved another, fucked up, and she left
Now she is alone...

I know a girl whose best friend has cancer
But she lives far away, so being with her is difficult
When they're together it's amazing, but the fun always ends
Now she is alone...

I know a girl who thinks very low of herself
Her thighs are too big, her face isn't pretty
She's shy, afraid, and can have low-self esteem
She thinks she's alone...

I know a girl who before going to sleep
Thinks about her life, her friends, and her future.
Curled up with her blankets on a big comfy bed
All alone...

(no subject)

You say you need me and can't live without me
Do you expect me to believe what you say?
Our relationship was a big fucking lie
With you cheating and lying everyday
Well fuck that shit, seriously fuck it all
You're a pro at fucking things up
You fucked that bitch on call
So go ahead, call me a bitch for not taking you back
Say all you need to say
They all lies anyway
Like the time you said you were alone when I called
When really she was right under you sucking you balls
I'm not like other girls you've met
You won't push me down, that I won't let
I'm not gunna come running back to you
You fucked up my life, and now we're through


A million stars in the sky
Not one of them the same
A million people in the world
Some with the same exact name
A million times I have cried
For all that you have done
A million mistakes you have made
Because you wanted to have fun
A million tears have flown from my eyes
Why was I so dumb?
A million nights, a million tears
Tonight will be a million and one.

(no subject)

Obsolete Hero 32: every night as i drift asleep
i remember the things i cant repeat
liek you and me standing under teh stars
sharing, finally that first kiss of ours
you almost left without it that night
but i called out to you and held you tight
it was so pure and meant to be
how i wish you were here with me
we stopped making memories too soon
best part of my life was january til june
you were everything i could hope for
sorry i couldnt have given you more..
still think about the first time we made love
you were so beautiful as if sent from above
i was so nervous and so scared to mess up
but it went just great and things looked up
we got closer emotinally and physically as time went on
we laughed and cried and sand and danced to an MJ song
life was perfect with you by my side
so now that your gone, pillows wet cuz i cried
feels so akward without you around anymore
id give ita ll up just for you to be at my door
i miss you like the moon misses the night
right now i just want to hold you tight

(no subject)

I am such a sucker,
and I'm always the last to know.
My insides are copper,
I'd kill to make them gold.

Conversation got me here:
Another night alone in the city,
So make my bed the grave
and shovel dirt onto my sheets.

Every friend we ever had in common;
I will sever the tie with you.
You can thank your lucky stars
that everything I wish for
will never come true.

When you go I will forget everything about you.

I've seen shinking ships go down with more grace than you.

Turn this up, I'll tune you out.
Another night alone in the city.
You fake it like you matter,
thats a lie we can both keep.

I kinda liked the way this went.. and I didn't wanna lose it so I decided to post it here in case I wanted to use it again....

(no subject)

I'm updizzating because I'm bizzored as all hizzell!!!!!

Yea don't really care about this livejournal shit anymore...

I'm more in facebook, as in.. I think I'm in loveee!!!!!


Gah why must I be such a tease sometimes?!!!?