| Me... |
[20 Nov 2005|09:04pm] |
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Smile - Michael Jackson |
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I tend to be a bitch. I hate ignorance. I don't care if you hate me because I probably don't think too highly of you either. I speak my mind. I like to get my opinions out, even if it hurts others.
I tend to usually be a very happy person. I'm very girly as well. You hardly ever see me out and about without makeup, unless I'm going to class. I like looking nice and dressing up. I like wearing heels. I like doing my hair. I like painting my nails. I like going tanning. I love to laugh and I love to smile.
When I get depressed I like to be by myself. I usually crank up the depressing music, don't talk to anyone, and just lay in bed with my thoughts. I've cut myself once. I was pissed the second after I did it because 1) It was the stupidest thing I've ever done and 2) I was still hurting mentally and then physically. Now I have the scar on my wrist to remind me of my own stupidity... and I hate it. Sometimes I drink as well. Not that it helps much, but it helps me forget it. Until it comes back when I'm sober.
I hate my body. I don't think I'm where I should be. My stomach has too much fat, my boobs are too big, and I have no butt. I hate when guys talk to my boobs. I hate when they talk ABOUT my boobs and I'm right in front of them. Makes me seem so small. Like big boobs are all I am. And I'm not.
I'm not a christian. I don't believe in God or Jesus or any of that. I don't know why, either. I was never brought up to go to church, never learned any of that as I was growing up. I went to little bible camps as a kid, but never understood it. I've been to church with my friend a lot, but the whole time I was listening to the pastor talk I was thinking "...What the fuck is he talking about?!?! That's retarded." And it sucks because I don't know what people will think of me if I tell them that. My roommate is a hardcore christian, and I love her to death. She's practically my best friend. I can't tell her I'm not a christian.... I don't know what it will do to our relationship. I'm scared...
I hate how shy I am sometimes. It sometimes always seems to be my one big flaw. I could have been great at something had I just talked.
I hate being underestimated.
I hate cheaters.
I hate liars.
All I really want in life is to be happy. To have someone to hold onto and to have someone hold me. When I think I've found that person something doesn't go right and I'm right back where I started. I think I'm ready to settle down, but whenever shit like this happens I just go fuck myself over even more. There are a lot of guys who want to be with me, but I ditch them all just to be with the one that I like and I end up hurting.
This is a fucking depressing ass entry and I'm done.
Love,
Kirstin
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[27 Oct 2005|11:29am] |
Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks
lick on these nuts and suck the dick
get the fuck out after you're done
and I hops in my ride to make a quick run.
^^^ My favey song.... how I love Dr. Dre. and Ben Folds covers!!!!
That's some real conversation for your ass....
AH CHOO!! I JUST SNEEZED!! Spit and snot went everywhere... grossss
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[04 Oct 2005|11:59am] |
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How do you know if someone is playing hard to get or if they just aren't interested?
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[16 Sep 2005|09:54pm] |
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i tried to be prefect but nothing was worth it i dont believe it makes me real i thought it be easy but noone believes me im not all the things i said if u believe its in my soul id say all the words that i know just to see if it would show that im tryin to let u know that im better off on my own. Of course it never seems like you're going to meet the right person. But that's what everyone thinks. Keep on trucking and you'll cross paths with your dream person soon.;-)
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[11 Sep 2005|11:45pm] |
You know what I love to do???
Lay in my bed and listen to sappy songs...
no really... it's not all that bad actually...
very relaxing... as in I might just fall asleep right now. But I can't... gotta wait up for someone grrr!
Anyways...
You know what else I love??
Getting bitched out by some fucking 14 year old on xanga haha. First off she started bitchin at Dylan and being really gay so I looked her up... and I was like "Should you even be talking like that? Your 14?? Wow you're fucking retarded" Then her and her little friend left me a message like "Okay listen up you stupid bitch, we'll say whatever the hell we want! That guy was badmouthing our school blah blah blah we hate our lives becuase we are dumb at 14 and ugly as fuck and have nasty teeth! So just shut the fuck up and leave us alone! You damn whore" and then of course.. I HADD to retaliate... so I told her that she was pretty much the size of my thigh so she shouldn't fuckin talk shit... and I then thanked her for calling me a whore... how sweet!!!! Anyways...
ciao
ps
I <3 my sex machine and mr. colin seymour becuase i Hung out with them today and they rocked my socks off my feet! YAY!
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[08 Sep 2005|11:50pm] |
I know a girl who grew up everywhere
she had many friends in the places she's lived
But one by one she lost touch with them all
Now she is alone...
I know a girl who found the love of her life
She was so perfectly happy with him by her side
But he loved another, fucked up, and she left
Now she is alone...
I know a girl whose best friend has cancer
But she lives far away, so being with her is difficult
When they're together it's amazing, but the fun always ends
Now she is alone...
I know a girl who thinks very low of herself
Her thighs are too big, her face isn't pretty
She's shy, afraid, and can have low-self esteem
She thinks she's alone...
I know a girl who before going to sleep
Thinks about her life, her friends, and her future.
Curled up with her blankets on a big comfy bed
All alone...
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[07 Sep 2005|01:22am] |
You say you need me and can't live without me
Do you expect me to believe what you say?
Our relationship was a big fucking lie
With you cheating and lying everyday
Well fuck that shit, seriously fuck it all
You're a pro at fucking things up
You fucked that bitch on call
So go ahead, call me a bitch for not taking you back
Say all you need to say
They all lies anyway
Like the time you said you were alone when I called
When really she was right under you sucking you balls
I'm not like other girls you've met
You won't push me down, that I won't let
I'm not gunna come running back to you
You fucked up my life, and now we're through
_____________________________________________________
A million stars in the sky
Not one of them the same
A million people in the world
Some with the same exact name
A million times I have cried
For all that you have done
A million mistakes you have made
Because you wanted to have fun
A million tears have flown from my eyes
Why was I so dumb?
A million nights, a million tears
Tonight will be a million and one.
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[07 Sep 2005|01:01am] |
Obsolete Hero 32: every night as i drift asleep
i remember the things i cant repeat
liek you and me standing under teh stars
sharing, finally that first kiss of ours
you almost left without it that night
but i called out to you and held you tight
it was so pure and meant to be
how i wish you were here with me
we stopped making memories too soon
best part of my life was january til june
you were everything i could hope for
sorry i couldnt have given you more..
still think about the first time we made love
you were so beautiful as if sent from above
i was so nervous and so scared to mess up
but it went just great and things looked up
we got closer emotinally and physically as time went on
we laughed and cried and sand and danced to an MJ song
life was perfect with you by my side
so now that your gone, pillows wet cuz i cried
feels so akward without you around anymore
id give ita ll up just for you to be at my door
i miss you like the moon misses the night
right now i just want to hold you tight
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[30 Aug 2005|12:07am] |
I am such a sucker,
and I'm always the last to know.
My insides are copper,
I'd kill to make them gold.
Conversation got me here:
Another night alone in the city,
So make my bed the grave
and shovel dirt onto my sheets.
Every friend we ever had in common;
I will sever the tie with you.
You can thank your lucky stars
that everything I wish for
will never come true.
When you go I will forget everything about you.
I've seen shinking ships go down with more grace than you.
Turn this up, I'll tune you out.
Another night alone in the city.
You fake it like you matter,
thats a lie we can both keep.
I kinda liked the way this went.. and I didn't wanna lose it so I decided to post it here in case I wanted to use it again....
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[12 Aug 2005|12:51pm] |
I'm updizzating because I'm bizzored as all hizzell!!!!!
Yea don't really care about this livejournal shit anymore...
I'm more in facebook, as in.. I think I'm in loveee!!!!!
UGH MY PHONE WONT STOP BUZZING BECAUSE A CERTAIN FUCKING SOMEONE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
Gah why must I be such a tease sometimes?!!!?
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[07 Aug 2005|01:53am] |
Hahaha yeaaa definitely don't write in here anymore....
Today I got bored and I decided to make a list of all the guys I've kissed, and in the order I kissed them... it sucks because I totally can't remember one of my ex's last names... Brian something... damn... oh well... it's all good!! Anyways....
Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching it's not over
I'M SINGING!!
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[05 Aug 2005|11:28am] |
So Hawaii was fucking awesomeeee
I'll have pics up eventually... so no worries my lovers :)
Jeeping in the mountains on Sunday till Saturday....
Leave the 15th to come homeeee!!
Ahhh... what a great fucking vaca
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[22 Jul 2005|09:50pm] |
Who dat?
Who dat?
Playa betta fall back
So step back
Playa betta fall back
Nick Clack
Cock back
Semi-automatic track
Drink a lotta Symalack
Shorty betta fall back!
^^ Ohhh how I loves Missy Elliottt!!!!!
Ahhh... leaving for Colo/Hawaii tomorrow! So excited, too! Not only do I get to be with my best friend for like FOREVER AND A DAYYYY... I get to leave all this bullshit drama! I'll have time to think when I'm on the beach in Hawaii, and up in the mountains in Colorado..... fuckin right doggy!!
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| hmmm |
[18 Jul 2005|08:35pm] |
I had Planet Smoothie ANDDD Chipotle
back to back
IN THE SAME FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!
If that's not the most amazing day of your life... then hell I don't know what is!!!!!!
Yea so that part of my day was amazing... the rest not so much.
I just don't understand things sometimes. Why people do what they do. Why people say what they say. Why people don't say what they don't say... How some people's minds work.... hmf :-/
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[17 Jul 2005|01:45pm] |
What a day/night. Yesterday... pretty intense. Hung out with Dylan.... went with him to get his tongue pierced lol. Then we just chilled at my house with sisser, and played outside! Then I had to work, which was okay. Nothing too big... so it's all good. Got off at 8ish and as soon as I'm clockin out JAMESSS walks in! So he follows me back to my place and watches me eat my AMAZINGGG cobb salad lol. Then wee were gunna see a movie, but the one we wanted to see was sold out.. so we just went to Block Buster and rented Dead Man on Campus. Started watching it, but turned it off because we started talking halfway through lol. So he left at like 12:30... and that's pretty much when the hell rose. I started walking upstairs and it's like all of the sudden my sister starts bitching to me about everything!! So we're yelling and screaming for a good bit, then I just go to my bed sit down, not talk, and just take it all, because she was yelling so fucking loud at me... I couldn't take it...she even picked up my comp at threw it at me.... I was like sweet. I've never been yelled at that much in my life... Soooo I was talkin to ppl online, and Dylan said I could go over there if I didnt wanna stay with sisser tonight. So I finish my talk with sisser, we make up, and I leave. Get thre at like 3:30ish? My eyes were soooo fucking puffy/swollen becuase I had been crying so damn much/was so fucking tired...Ended up falling asleep with him holding me on his couch like half hour after I got there..... so that was nice. Kept waking up though because I was sweating/flies were all over meee! Left at 8:15 ish, came home, put pjs on, and crashed till noon. Mal woke me up, then I went back to bed again until 1:30... had a crazy ass dream that I was somewhere with my ppl from Canon Mac.... like a school field trip or something.... crazyness!! But yea... that's what that's about... I'm gunna go... byes!
Jillian - I had a dream last night, and I think it might have come true! It was about you!
Me - WHat was it?
Jillian - Did you and Dylan have sex last night?
Me - No we did not.
Jillain - Damnit! I CAN'T predict the future!!
Me - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
^^ Bahhh no matter how much we fight, she can still make me laugh
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[14 Jul 2005|10:45pm] |
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MIKE JONES!!!!!!!!!!!
who?
MIKE JONES!!!!!!!!!!!
who?
MIKE JONES!!!!!!!!!!!
mmmmm I heart Bob Evans!!
AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD!!!
ESPECIALLYYYY Mike Jones.. I'm having his babies... don't be hatin!!! :)
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[13 Jul 2005|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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R Kelly - Step in the name of love |
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Step in the name of love
Step in the name of love
Clap in the name of love
Clap in the name of loveeeeeee!!
Haha sorry I was listening to that on my way home from worrrkkkk...
Today's been... well... stressful. I'm tired of drama/bullshit/liars. One day I get one thing said to me, then it gets turned around the next. Becca is pretty much the only one who knows what I'm talking about in this situation. It fucking sucks. But seriously, if this keeps going on... I'm gunna do what I should have done AWHILEEEE agoooo.... and I'll be okay with it, because I have my friends and family to get me through anything... also Planet Smoothie... but that's a different story ;)
Work sucked. Got there and as soon as I walk in I already had two tables. I was even late by like 7 mins lol. Oops... kiss my ass though I couldn't care less. But yea.... died down at like... 7:30ish after 2 hours of nonstop hecticness... don't even know how much I made tonight/don't really care... but I'm fucking tired and I didn't get to take my nap today because James called lol. Not that I don't mind talking to him, I love him lots! It's just.... gah... I was soooo tired!! :(
Running at the dam tomorrow with Maldin, needless to say, I'm quite pumped!!
PEACE OUTTT!
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[12 Jul 2005|10:36pm] |
I ate too much...
I promised Mal I'd do 3 well balanced meals a day with her... yea... can't do it I tried and I failed...
Guess we're going to go back to eating like 1... atleast it doesn't make my stomach feel like shit!!! :(
PEACE OUT!
PS
Don't underestimate me! I wasn't born yesterday!!!! For real though... get a brain...
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[11 Jul 2005|09:12am] |
It isss.... 9:12 AM on Monday July 11, 2005.
I just threw up.
It's Amanda's BIRTHDAY/BIRTHDAY PARTY TODAYYYY!!!!
and
I'm going to Wyandot Lake today. All Bob Evans employees get in for free, but their guests have to pay 10 dollars!
Yesssssssssssss
EDITTT - It is now 9:49 in the AM and I just threw up again... yea this day is gunna be good I can tell :)
EDITTT - It is now 10:35 in the AM and I just threw up AGAIN!!!! 3 times in little over an hour... doubleyoo tee eff??
EDITTT - Just got back from Wyandot! Pretty fun I guess. Met up with Mallory and the 2 girls she babysits who are really cute. And of course we saw like everyone there. It was a good time, specially seeing some of the gorgeous cooks we work with! HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA!!! Yea... I'll let you leave that to your own imagination.... I'm feeling a lot better than this morning. Woke up at like noon thirty and I felt completely rejuvenated!!! Yea... it's a good time! Now I must make my way to Max and Erma's to go visit Ms. Amanda Folk for her BDAY PARTY!! YESSSS!!!!! Peace outttt!
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[10 Jul 2005|11:53am] |
Sooo last night, I'm just sitting on my bed with my computer having a jolly good time, when I notice that Dylan signs online. Turns out he unblocked me for some strange reason. So I sit there, doing nothing, waiting for him to IM me or for me to IM him... so finally after like half an hour I say
Cursed IN West05 (11:32:53 PM): you unblocked me... I don't know how to respond to that lol
Obsolete Hero 32 (11:33:15 PM): cuz i miss you... i hate not talking to you... my sweatshirt smells like you permanently....
So we talked for a lil about how we were and all that stuff, what we have been up to, you know, the good shit. Then everything all comes back to me, and things take an unexpected turn. We started "remembering" if you will some of the funny stuff that happened... thennnn this....
Cursed IN West05 (12:26:30 AM): gah... I can't do this..
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:26:42 AM): what?
Cursed IN West05 (12:26:49 AM): alll this
Cursed IN West05 (12:26:53 AM): I can't deal with it
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:27:10 AM): ...sorry.. ill let you go then...
Cursed IN West05 (12:27:29 AM): no don't
Cursed IN West05 (12:27:34 AM): I can't deal with that either
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:27:44 AM): u said earlier u were doing just fine
Cursed IN West05 (12:28:11 AM): I was
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:28:38 AM): ...then what cant u deal with?
Cursed IN West05 (12:28:55 AM): all of this
Cursed IN West05 (12:29:01 AM): it all came back to me
Cursed IN West05 (12:29:03 AM): and it won't go away
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:29:37 AM): then.. i shouldnt have unblocked you... sorry.. i wont do it again, i promise
Cursed IN West05 (12:29:53 AM): ugh what the fuck?!
Cursed IN West05 (12:30:00 AM): why do you alwyas runaway?
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:30:19 AM): i dont want to runaway.. but if it will make it back to being good for you then thats what ill do
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:30:41 AM): i personally deal with it better when i can talk to you some... when i know ur ok
Cursed IN West05 (12:31:16 AM): Yea I know.... that helps me some too
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:31:48 AM): then whats the problem?
Cursed IN West05 (12:32:27 AM): everything
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:32:46 AM): ...then what do you want to do?
Cursed IN West05 (12:33:03 AM): ...I wish you didn't unblock me....
Cursed IN West05 (12:33:17 AM): why did you?
Cursed IN West05 (12:33:18 AM): why?
Cursed IN West05 (12:33:24 AM): Why do you do ANYTHING!?
Obsolete Hero 32 (12:33:34 AM): then ill do it again... i just wanted to know how you were, sorry. im gone, bye
Obsolete Hero 32 signed off at 12:33:48 AM.
So I got on another screen name and talked to him there...
But I don't feel like posting it, so piss off
giggitygiggity!!
Shoot if the Andy Milonakis show was on right now, I'd be in heaven!!
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